Room Swap

My sister has been staying with me in my [our?] room for more than a week now since she began attending a ten-day culinary program less than half an hour away from where we live in the big city.

It is such a big change for me to have her in the house because I am not used to having my siblings around me all the time since I went to college in 2004 and since I started working in 2009. Most days, I have the condominium unit all to myself and my room is actually just big enough for one person even though it has a bunk bed.

I do not have before and after pictures but when I say we were cramped in my room, I'm talking when you enter the door the bed is two steps away going straight and the cabinet for clothes is only three steps away to the right and that is pretty much it.

So after much deliberation between my older brother, younger sister and me - we decided to switch rooms because it will be for the benefit of everybody concerned.

Farewell deep purple walls, goodbye wall flowers... adieu. Although I loved my old room to bits, it's time to move on and embrace change.

Out with the old, in with the new, I say.

Small but cozy.

A seemingly organized mess of books, footwear, unfinished to-dos and what-have-yous.

The new room, upon entrance.

I was just itching to get the move done the moment we finalized our decision about it, however, it was already past our bedtimes (making it too late to start) and there was work the following day. It was also impossible to have everybody in the unit and make them wait until the whole switcheroo was over. That would be too chaotic especially when I prefer to have something done alone.

So, even though the OC in me was kicking and screaming "Right now!", I had to quiet it down until April 15 Friday evening when I had the small window of time to be by myself in the unit. When I came home and realized that nobody was there but me, I began the gruesome task of moving everything around while cleaning both rooms at the same time from 9:00 PM to about 2:30 AM.

I know, I'm crazy that way sometimes.

I even had to wake up at 6:00 AM afterwards because I still have half a day at work and other activities for that Saturday. Thank God I still had strength to accomplish much in a full day.

It may have been literally exhausting doing all that much after a long day's work (not to mention the accumulation of stress after a week's worth of work!), the peace of mind was priceless.

The room is still a work in progress but I am proud to say: Happiness, at last. :)

P.S.
My Poladroid application went bonkers for reasons I cannot identify until now that is why my signature Polaroid photos are becoming very limited. I now use an application called Pola to substitute Poladroid but it results to a .png file extension, which makes conversions and editing very tedious. I'm thinking of getting a better camera to post higher quality pictures... and maybe a real Poladroid or Fuji Instax camera, too. :)

Through the years

Suddenly, you wake up one day and realize that a decade can pass by seemingly faster than you can say "Let's have a reunion".

After ten years, my sixth grade class decided to get-together for the first time. Fifteen of us were able to go and spend the night until the early morning in our hometown just talking, laughing, and reminiscing about events that happened in our lives for the past decade. It makes my heart merry to know that the friendships we've forged in our very young ages grow richer and better as time goes by.

The meeting of people, small or big in number, has so much significance. There is nothing in today's highly technological world that can ever replace the actual presence of people surrounding you, especially those who have long been part of your life. There is an immeasurable essence of being together at the same moment, same place because the spirits come to be weaved in a pattern fitting into the ultimate canvas of the universe and leaves a mark forever to be there - something we can always keep alive in our hearts and memories as long as we live and love.

"‎Let the soul be assured that somewhere in the universe it should rejoin its friend, and it would be content and cheerful alone for a thousand years." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leave a mark

Or what's left of it.

Last Tuesday, I decided to bring some of the stickers I have been keeping since sixth grade (roughly ten years ago) to the center where I work for the kids to use. One of the students celebrated his birthday that day and his peers from the social thinking group I help handle made a birthday card for the him. The children decorated their cards with lots of the stickers I brought with me. What fun!

It's a small step in learning to let go of many things that I hold on to. You see, I have this bad habit of keeping things I like and not using them because I am 'saving them for something special'. I say it's a bad habit because every day is a special day - another chance to live life and feel the love of God. As the saying goes, "Today is a gift that is why it is called the present." So, what am I waiting for, right? :)

Besides, I have this new sticker fever.

I discovered wall stickers at a store called Japan Home for only 200Php. There were different designs which are all equally beautiful but I immediately fell in love with the flowers the moment I laid eyes on it!

And so I began the slow process of putting my little pieces of joy together...

...until they started to take shape and grow colors...

... and blossom in to a bundle of hope and happiness sending sunshine to my room all the time. :)

Solemn Investiture

Today, I was reminded of the swiftness of time... how in this world, everything happens all at once at one particular moment. At this very minute, somewhere in the globe someone rejoices while another one mourns, someone is born while another dies, someone laughs while another cries, someone struggles while another relaxes, someone fights for his life while another lives as comfortable as ever, and so on.

This Palm Sunday, I chose to experience both as I witnessed a wonderful beginning and remembered a sad ending.

Four hundred and ninety students of the University of Santo Tomas College of Science Batch 2010 graduated at the Philippine International Convention Center this morning. I attended the commencement with several companions (some of whom are also alumni of the college like me and some of whom are still students who have a few years left to earn their degrees) to show support for our graduating friends. I am extremely proud of each one of them and I eagerly look forward to their promising futures. 

Nevertheless, sitting on one of the soft chairs up on the balcony, I thought it was as if everything was surreal at one point. It felt like watching an old film for the first time. I've been up there myself on the stage two years ago. Basically, the plot has not changed but it is also different because the role I played before now belongs to someone else. Although there was strong nostalgia, I was simply at ease with myself for I knew confidently that I have moved on. I had my curtain call. A new batch of young men and women deserve the spotlight now. The circle of life goes on; the wheels of time continue to turn.

Somewhere down the road, I came to an unfamiliar place. It served like a fork in the road where you buy your time to stop and ponder where you are and how far you've come. My friends and I ate lunch there at Yellow Cab Pizza before heading for Manila Memorial Park at Sta. Rita, Bulacan where a common friend, Stephen, is laid to rest.

Like the flowers [despite being cut away from their roots], our friend who passed away to be with the Lord continue to bring beauty and fragrance in our lives by the memories he have left immortalized in our hearts. However, like the sunset in all its splendor and wonder, a great friend was gone too soon. Nevertheless, in spite of the darkness that comes when the sun has set, we can be assured of a glorious light to fill the world when morning comes once more.

Life has always been bittersweet. We can't have it any other way.

Find Me

Today closes a full circle of a year that has passed since I came back from a half a year stay with my relatives in the United States. What a year it has been.

Before I left the country in June 2008, I told myself and certain close friends that the trip is going to be the opportunity for 'soul searching' I've always wanted to have. Since the path after college overwhelmingly branched out to so many different directions, I promised myself that I'd take a back road for a while and figure out where I'm headed for in life. I suddenly realized a few days post-graduation that twenty long years didn't seem that long after all. In fact, it passed by a little too quickly than I thought it would.

Six months in a looking glass away from home also flew by much like a breeze passing through a field. I knew I came back the same person but with broader perspectives, stronger convictions, better values, and deeper faith in God. However, the questions I have when I left still remained unanswered even after arriving back in the Philippines. My period of 'soul searching' was finished but I still haven't found what I've been looking for. At the time, I possibly felt more at a loss than ever.

As I began to re-adjust to life at home, I slowly found my place under the sun without being aware of it. It was like being given a second chance in life - a clean slate to start all over again. Now I've come to understand that 'soul searching' doesn't mean you have to isolate yourself to a far away place in order to have an epiphany. It means looking within... for wherever you go, there YOU are. You are the one thing you cannot escape from.

I have come to the conclusion that, indeed, "Home is where the heart is".

I couldn't be more thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to rediscover who I am and who I can be. Life is truly about the journey - going through every experience we face each day with much gusto. The destination is a bonus, an affirmation of what it took the sojourner to get there.

For almost eight months now, I am blessed every single day to be working with kids with special needs at a therapy center in the metropolis [after a whirlwind of serious decision-making]. I am wonderfully blessed to be living my dream of being a catalyst for good change and a positive influence in society. Moreover, I couldn't have asked for a more supportive family and circle of friends.

I am eternally thankful because when God found me, He not only helped me find Him - He also helped me find me.

MEmorABLE

I have been an avid collector of memorabilia since I was a little kid.

The photo above shows but a small fraction of the things I've collected over the years: from books to candy wrappers, from airplane tickets to photographs, from candles to wedding garters, from corsages to ribbons, from cards to sashes, from receipts to stickers, from dried leaves to letters... and the list goes on.

I find a sense of joy (that I can't quite put into words) in collecting little somethings that remind me of people, places and events. Even after many years, they somehow bring me back to that specific moment - that strand of time and space in the tapestry of the world - that enriches the experience even more.

"A pleasure is only full grown when it is remembered. You are speaking, Hmān, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing. The séroni could say it better than I say it now. Not better than I could say it in a poem. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure, as the crah is the last part of a poem. When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But we still know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then--that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it. You say you have poets in your world. Do they not teach you this?"

- Hyoi, a creature of the planet Malacandra speaking to Ramsom, the human protagonist. From "Out of the Silent Planet" by C.S. Lewis

As I grow older, though, I realize that I can't hang on to every single thing that tugs my heart otherwise even a museum wouldn't be big enough to house all things that I put sentimental value into.

I have come to think of the act of saving meaningful things as sort of a self-preservation. Although it sounds like a good pursuit, I believe otherwise. I am not here to preserve myself. My stay here in this world is a mere passing by, a sojourn. Thus, as a voyager I wish to travel lightly. I soon became content with the fact the mind finds ways to remember.

The only memorabilia that I continue to hold on steadfastly now are the handwritten letters (which I fondly call 'snail mail') that I receive.

For me, an object only has meaning to the person/s who puts sentimental value to it but to the outsider, could mean nothing - it may even be seen as rubbish. A letter, on the other hand, tells everyone who reads it a story. An object could spark a deep curiosity that may never be answered, while the letter gives answers that may lead to further inquiry.

To sum it up, what I believe about memories is that they should make me more able: able to grow, able to appreciate, able to love, and able to help others become more of what they are meant for and to be.

Line of 2

Welcome to the 20s club, sister!

Oh my, how the years went by. Gone are the days of endless arguments on who had the bigger birthday cake or the best birthday party. I can't call you my 'little' sister anymore because you are now half an inch (or more) taller than I am.

Nevertheless, I am glad that I can still share moments with you that can only happen between sisters. I can still call you nicknames that I think will forever stay with me and the family. Thank you for the endless fashion tips, countless petty arguments, unforgettable funny bloopers and the most mundane things we do as sisters. They are all part of who I am.

As we leave our childhood and teenage years behind, I pray that we grow closer as friends even though we spend more time apart than together.

I am blessed to have you as my sister.

Pen and paper

I seem to write less and less as the years go by. I used to have so much time to jot down the details of what transpired during the day every day. But now the days turn to weeks, weeks to months and months to years.

Not that I'm complaining.

I still have the same 24-hour day like everybody else. It's just that more important things have taken over the time I used to dedicate to my diary writing.

I realized at some point during my mid-teens that it's much better that I live the moment to the fullest and share the time wholly with the people I'm with rather than soak in that instance to later on busy myself writing it down for no one in particular - one who can't even fully appreciate the importance of the events/connections that transpired. It is very similar to taking a picture wherein the photographer was too busy thinking about the perfect conditions for a brilliant capture that the glory of the moment already eluded him.

Writing in my diary has been (and still is at very certain occasions) a good outlet for me.

The big difference now, however, is this: In the past I used to write down my story, now I write down what God wants my story to be like.

"It is such an amazing feat to hear the resounding voices captured by the silence of words on a piece of paper even after inches of dust has accumulated on the pages with the passing of time."

I have more than 20 diaries to date and I am thankful for each one. When I have the chance to scan through them, I see how much I've changed and grown through the years. I can't help but burst into laughter, feel funny, hold back tears, and shake my head in disbelief over some of the things I wrote down in the now yellowing pages of my journals.

More often that not, I also feel like I'm reading about the life of someone else.

There was a time I thought of burning all of these diaries. One day I just felt that the person I am now doesn't want anything more to do with the person I was then. The present self regarded the past person as a complete stranger.

However, I realized later on that even if I did let fire consume those notebooks, God still has a record of all that I wrote down. He knows everything about me and everything that happened (and will happen) in my life - written or unwritten by me.

Truly, one must be aware of how he is living his life.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it."

-Matthew 7:13

So I say, "let Thy will be done in my life."

Do you remember when...?

Tonight, I've taken a trip down memory lane. One that really gave me the goosebumps. I got that 'feeling'... like unexpectedly stumbling upon something you thought you've lost for good.

When I was in third grade, our class adviser encouraged me to join the inter-class singing competition. I was hesitant at first. I told our adviser I would think about it. At that age, I wasn't totally invincible to stage fright. I told Mama about the invitation and she said my aunt, Tita Ana, who sang in our home church choir, could help me if I wanted to join. She's a good singer. Hmmm..

When I finally made up my mind, I told our adviser I was willing to represent our class in the contest. The challenge? It was a duet. Our adviser told me I could choose my singing partner.

Okay... But who?

I can't exactly tell you how it all happened but Ivan Lemuel ended up being my partner-in-crime. I think I asked him if he wanted to sing with me. (Hahaha!) He's one of my childhood friends. We were classmates from elementary to high school; we practically grew up together. My sister and his sister were classmates, too. His family is a close friend of ours.

My aunt chose the song we were to sing in the competition. It was "Kahit Habang Buhay" by Smokey Mountain, one of my favorite OPM bands whose songs mostly revolved around social, environmental, and patriotic themes. (The band, however, was active only until 1995.) The song title roughly translates to "even if it's for life". The song is about two people who love each other but both thought that the other already loves someone else. They sing about waiting for each other even if it meant waiting for as long as they lived. (Thinking about it now, the song really wasn't appropriate for our age. It's a good thing mainstream music didn't get the best of us then.)

To prepare for the singing contest, Ivan (I don't know if he still wants to be called Lemy. :P) and I would go to each other's house to practice in the afternoons and weekends. The whole ordeal was more tiring than I originally thought. Moreover, I was still a lot boyish during third grade. Imagine the weird feeling I had in my tummy when I realized that 'I am a girl that was actually singing with a boy', even if he was a friend. And I have to wear a dress during the contest. And we have to hold hands as 'choreography' for some parts of the song. Ugh. Cooties. Thinking about it now really brings me good-natured laughter though. :)

To cut the long story short, let us proceed to the results. We won first place in the singing contest. :) Both our moms watched us perform - they were both very happy and proud. I was overjoyed, too. It was a promising start for my singing career. Just kidding. On a more serious note, I was glad I joined. I learned a lot from that experience. It was one of the first few steps I had towards conquering my fear of facing the public. That moment also proved that somehow, I can sing. :D

Kahit Habang Buhay

Smokey Mountain

Chedi Vergara:

Nakakalito ang mundo.

Kung sinong mahal mo, s'yang ayaw sa 'yo

H'wag sanang masayang itong

Damdamin kong laan sa 'yo.

James Coronel:

Pa'no naman ako?

Kay tagal ko nang umibig sa 'yo.

H'wag sanang masayang itong

Damdamin kong laan sa 'yo.

CHORUS

Duet:

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa 'yo.

Kahit pa maglaho ang mundo.

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa 'yo.

Asahan mong hindi magpapalit

Itong damdamin ko.

James Coronel:

Pa'no naman ako?

Kay tagal ko nang umibig sa 'yo.

Chedi Vergara:

H'wag sanang masayang itong

Damdamin kong laan sa 'yo.

CHORUS

Duet:

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa 'yo.

Kahit pa maglaho ang mundo.

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa 'yo.

Asahan mong hindi magpapalit

Itong damdamin ko.

James Coronel:

Pa'no naman ako? ooh...

Chedi Vergara:

Nakakalito ang mundo

Duet:

Kung sinong mahal mo, s'yang ayaw sa 'yo...

Kung sinong mahal mo, s'yang ayaw sa 'yo...

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa 'yo.

Kahit pa maglaho ang mundo.

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa 'yo.

Asahan mong hindi magpapalit

Hindi-hindi magpapalit

Hindi-hindi magpapalit

Itong damdamin ko.

In addition to this journey to the past, I recently reactivated my Facebook account and have been reconnecting with classmates and acquaintances from my former alma mater. I can't quite put words into the experience of seeing how much we've all grown up since elementary or high school.

I feel old - like the classic senescent adult...

Well, I'm getting there. :)